Carryn of all Trades: March 2013

Last time I posted I was looking ahead. A week ago today I was writing ("Happy Hump Day!") about all the things I was planning to do. Nothing ever goes as perfectly as I plan even though planning is so important to me. So when it didn't go according to plan or if I fell short I felt unhappy. But where did I plan my time with the Lord? I wonder if I would have made my plans with God in mind if I could I have been disappointed? Telling myself I will pray and read my Bible and then doing so makes me feel amazing! Not only am I closer to my Father and Savior but telling them my sins and asking for forgiveness and thank them for my blessings I am crossing something off my list! I am a slave to the list and tonight and this past week I had not thought in this way.

It's Wednesday night T is in bed, H is in his crib (I had to stop to peek in on him after I wrote that) and I am awake. My heart is racing my mind and the two don't seem to want to quit even though its a quarter past 11. So "why am I awake?" is what I asked myself and I did what I do every night, I flip between Facebook, Instagram, and... my Holy Bible app.

Towards the end of my pregnancy a very sweet and new mother who is young like myself, gave me a book entitled DUG DOWN DEEP by Joshua Harris. In it he talks about the Bible being the literal word of God and from there the Bible became way more useful and valuable to me. Instead of a book of rules it became a conversation in which I found a way to start a relationship with my Father. He loves me in spite of my flaws and wants me to reach for him and need him. And boy do I! From the beginning I have felt the need to be in control of everything, and it is still a constant struggle. But when I talk to God and just sit and even think my emotions to him. My favorite chapter is Romans 8. Tonight I opened up to Romans 8 and God spoke to me this when he felt restlessness. Romans 8:26 says:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

When I feel rotten and my day is out of control and I pray without words I know God can hear me. So when I don't get a new recipe right, or Harrison fell again because he hasn't become sturdy yet or my house is a mess or I haven't done my homework, I just talk to God. I don't know what I'm praying for but I know God knows what I need. You might say to me that God didn't tell me how to find balance or reveal to me how to be perfect so I can be happy. But what God did was better, he told me that he knows, and he hears me. Your friends can't always fix your troubles but it sure feels better knowing they care, right?